Wow. I still remember sitting at my laptop almost ten years ago and writing my column “The Big 3.” At the time, my thoughts revolved around a number that felt incredibly big to me. 30. That magical boundary to “real adulthood.” A number that seemed incredibly far away in my twenties.
Ten years have now passed. On the one hand it feels like infinity, on the other hand the time has flown by. And yes, this decade also means: In exactly two months I will be 40. Yes, FORTY. The word alone has weight. 40 is a number that somehow sounds like midlife. After a new chapter. After “middle age”. And if you look at it soberly, it is. Because if you assume an average of 80 summers, then 40 marks exactly the halfway point. Phew, a thought that I have to let sink in first.
Honestly? My thirties were tough. They were intense. In a positive and negative sense. There was a pandemic that turned the entire world upside down and changed our lives from one day to the next. Things that seemed obvious were suddenly no longer possible. Plans were postponed, certainties disappeared and we all had to learn to deal with uncertainty. Even in the years that followed.
But it’s not just the world that has changed. Also your own life. For many of us, the thirties were a time when life paths increasingly diverged. Starting a family, career, separations, moves, new priorities. While everyone in the twenties was more or less at a similar stage of life, the differences suddenly became greater. Fun fact: my best friend even wrote a book about this challenging decade: Less Stress in your 30s.
Not every connection survives when people change or take different paths. Some connections end loudly, others end very quietly. That’s probably as much a part of growing up as the nice things. What particularly touched me when I looked back over the past few years was realizing what great people I have in my life. In some cases for several decades. Who is not only there in the good times, but also when life is not going well. When you doubt yourself. When you’re not the always-happy version of yourself and need support. I am so incredibly grateful to have several people in my life that I could call in the middle of the night if I needed help. Who are always there for me.
I am grateful for the constants in my life. For Chris, close friends and my parents, who have always supported me unconditionally. And yes, even at almost 40, I still sometimes enjoy the moment of being “just my parents’ child”. Even if taking care of each other is now often postponed. Parents ask us for advice more often than the other way around. Social media, digitalization and so on. If you know, you know.
And what is different now than at 30? Above all, one thing: I know who I am much more precisely. At 30, I had a lot of ideas about what my life should look like. But much of it was still characterized by expectations, questions and possibilities. At almost 40 things feel different. Chris and I made probably the biggest life decision together: not to have children. I recently wrote in detail about this path and the thoughts behind it.
What feels good: I know my strengths better. But also my weaknesses. After a personal crisis, I went to therapy and worked through so many things. And I still see my therapist regularly. Quick side note: I can only emphasize over and over and over again how precious the opportunity to go to therapy is. And how important it is to seize them when you are struggling with topics. Not only when the big crisis hits.
I know what is important to me. And what not. Of course, I don’t have answers to all questions. But I’ve learned that that’s totally okay. I used to think that being an adult meant knowing everything and always knowing exactly what you were doing. Today I believe that being an adult means being able to live with insecurities. Making decisions even though you don’t know all the answers. And to accept that some things only come about along the way. Of course I can’t always do that, but I’m doing it more and more often.
A quick side story: For my 30th birthday, I gave myself my first (and only) Chanel bag. Even though I was never a really materialistic person and always defined happiness differently, I was at home in the fashion industry for a long time. Special pieces from luxury brands had a certain magic for me back then; designer pieces were definitely high on my wish list. If you were to ask me today what I would like for my 40th, I would probably hardly be able to think of one thing. There is no designer item on my wish list. What I want today is time together, real experiences and moments with the people I love.
When I look back over the last ten years, I see many wonderful memories. Jam moments. The very great happiness. But also challenges. Moments that took strength. Experiences that I would not have chosen. And yet it was precisely these experiences that made me the person I am today. And I am proud of this person and am curious about a new chapter.
And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the past ten years, it’s that life doesn’t automatically get easier. But over time you learn to deal with challenges better. You learn what really matters. And you appreciate the beautiful moments so much more. Because none of this is self-evident.
So yes: I’ll be 40 in two months. And I’m looking forward to the new chapter. Note to myself: It’s now really high time to finally decide how I’m going to celebrate this big milestone birthday!
More on the topic: And suddenly you’re “really grown up”
