Those who want to please everyone often make themselves invisible. Why People Pleasing can be a career brake, according to Mawave CEO Jason Modemann.
Always nice, always agreeing, just don’t offend: Why people pleasing doesn’t really help companies or careers, according to Jason Modemann, CEO and founder of the Mawave agency.
Many managers want employees who “work smoothly”. You don’t want discussions, uncomfortable questions or friction. I see it completely differently: for me, employees who disagree are initially a good thing. Because if they contradict, it usually means: They have thought about it. You have developed your own perspective and dare to express it openly.
Why I find people pleasers difficult
I find people pleasers really difficult. So people who say yes and amen to everything, never want to offend and are always just nice. Above all, this is annoying and hinders collaboration on an equal footing, but in my opinion it will also be a problem in the long term.
Anyone who constantly tries to please everyone will eventually no longer honestly say what they think. If no one contradicts me anymore, that would be a warning signal for me. Because most of the time this means either insecurity – or that the person believes that they cannot change anything anyway.
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Everybody’s Darling as a career brake
By the way, for me there is a crucial difference between people pleasing and normal friendliness: friendliness comes from attitude, people pleasing comes from fear. Fear of disappointing someone, not seeming likeable enough or losing an opportunity.
This often seems uncomplicated to the outside world, but it usually causes these people to withdraw themselves. And that can definitely put the brakes on your career.
Anyone who wants to please everyone becomes invisible
Employees who always simply agree will eventually become invisible and, in the worst case scenario, be ignored. Of course, career doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with volume. But very much with clarity. And those who never contradict, do not express their own interests and constantly try not to say anything wrong appear less confident – even if everything is technically correct. But anyone who dares to say no and take a clear stance will, in my opinion, make progress.
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Every yes is also a no
As a business leader, time is probably your most valuable resource. And yet you say yes far too quickly. To coffee dates, to events that you “should stop by,” to favors that feel nice at the moment but are actually just a waste of time, and so on. What you quickly forget is that every yes is also a no – for example to focus, recovery, sport or the people who are really important to you.
Self-reflection is key
That’s why I try to consciously pay attention to why I actually agree to something. Do I really want this? Or do I just not want to disappoint anyone? Asking yourself this question makes a huge difference.
One thing is certain for me: whether professionally or privately – you don’t always have to be everyone’s darling. And kindness remains important. But taking a stance and standing up for yourself is more important.
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