Comparisons are a daily companion in work and everyday life. Whether they drive or block depends on how they are handled, says Mawave founder and CEO Jason Modemann.
“Stop constantly comparing yourself to others” – that immediately sounds like a character weakness. A sentence like this usually carries with it a moral accusation. As if it was something that had to be put aside immediately. I see it differently: In my opinion, comparing yourself is not the problem at all. The problem is what we make of it.
Because most people deal with comparisons in a destructive way. You compare downwards – or rather, against yourself. Why do others have more than me? Why am I not ready? Why doesn’t this work for me? These questions are buzzing in many people’s minds. The problem: This focus on lack makes you feel small. In the worst case scenario, it creates shame, self-doubt or bitterness. And in the end it just ensures that you remain passive.
Read too
However, I believe there is also a constructive way to measure yourself against others. One that looks forward. You shouldn’t ask yourself: Why do others have what I don’t have? But think to yourself: Ah – I want that too.
But this requires conscious handling of this feeling. I do these three things:
1. Don’t dismiss comparisons, name them
The biggest mistake when dealing with comparisons is to immediately devalue or ignore them. Comparisons are initially just an indication. If you stop for a moment and look honestly, you will understand more quickly what really triggers you. In moments like this I ask myself: What of this tells me something about my own desires? Without this clarity, the feeling remains diffuse and destructive.
2. Read other people’s success as evidence, not as a threat
If someone around me achieves something that I strive for myself, that is the best proof that it is possible. For me, this is a reframe: it’s not that they’re taking something away from me, but that the goal is achievable. At this moment the destructive comparison is overturned. Lack becomes opportunity. Frustration becomes motivation. Comparing yourself becomes something active and shifts responsibility back to yourself.
3. Translating comparisons into action
No matter how much you think about it: Of course, a comparison only makes sense if it has a consequence. Do I want to learn something that I’m still missing? Do I want to make a decision that I have been putting off? It’s not the comparison with others and self-knowledge that gets me further, but the next step that I derive from it and then actually implement.
This means: Comparing yourself can take you out of your comfort zone. It can help to take concrete steps towards a goal – a goal that comes from deep within. But this requires a conscious approach to this feeling: let others be where they are. What you make of it is much more important.
