“Wasn’t there a column here on this topic before?”some attentive readers may ask themselves at this point. And yes: I actually published a column with an almost identical title a few years ago. But since this question is more important than ever today, I would like to dedicate another text to it here on the blog.
One global crisis is currently following the next, and after the pandemic the longed-for return of ease has not materialized. Small and big worries, inflation, wars. In addition, there is a shift to the right in our society that is causing great concern. The balance between harsh world events and the peace we strive so hard for in our own little bubble is not easy. World pain is something that every person with even the smallest spark of empathy has probably felt at some point in recent years. And we’re all in the same boat, just as we were during the pandemic. That’s on top of our own packages that we all have to carry. Which is why it is so important to talk to each other here.
“How are you doing?” is probably the most frequently asked question in our daily interactions with our fellow human beings. And although we talk openly and honestly about our worries and fears with a handful of people in our closest circle, when we talk to superficial contacts we almost always tend to: “Good and you?” to answer. Is that a lie at this point? I would describe it more as self-protection or maintaining privacy.
Of course, you don’t want to tell a superficial (professional) contact about private problems that are currently keeping you up at night. We don’t even have to. But it’s even more important that we talk about it with people close to us. In this context, not just “How are you doing?“ ask, but “How are you really?“And answer this question yourself honestly.
A little food for thought: I read in a guide that you can simply ask the question differently in conversations in order to differentiate yourself from superficial questioning. Not just “How are you doing?”, rather “How are you feeling right now?” or else “What’s currently bothering you?“ – I liked this approach.
Honestly? After gaining all the courage to write three years ago ““My 2023”, it was ultimately a kind of liberation for me to share my very personal story here on the blog. Not that everything was automatically over, but it was such an important step for me. And it resulted in so many good, real, profound conversations. To be honest, even with people, some of whom I wouldn’t necessarily have expected. For example in a professional and otherwise often so superficial context. Still, even three years later.
Why I wrote today’s article and the question “How are you really?“I took it up again? Because I think the message from seven years ago is more important than ever right now. And in the past few years I have written to so many of you who also had or are still struggling with their mental health. People who I sometimes know outside of social media and who I would NEVER have thought were carrying such a heavy burden.
Knowing how much the open conversation helped me even in a difficult time, I would like to quote my own words again:
“Talk to each other, question reactions and, above all, don’t be blinded by supposedly perfect facades. And don’t settle for the “everything’s good” answer from someone with a heart if you see that their eyes are saying something different at that moment.”
