The thought of lack of sleep as a mom was one of my biggest worries before our baby came. I’m someone who functions very, very poorly on little sleep. I’m not pleasant company in the morning before my first coffee, and after a few sleepless nights in a row I become obnoxious. Friends have told me horror stories: months without a single night’s sleep and a life spent half asleep. My head cinema was in full swing. The Instagram algorithm only showed me videos like this on this topic.
Now, a few months later, I can say: things are going differently than I feared. Because my friend and I have built a routine that seems unusual at first glance. Today I’ll tell you how we do it and why it works.
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This is how we divide the nights: strengths instead of standard
In many people’s minds there is still the image that mom is automatically responsible for everything at night while dad sleeps blissfully in the next room to be fit for the job. Things are different for us. We agreed from the start to divide the nights consistently.
Instead of clinging to role models, we looked at who could do what better. I do more care work and more housework during the day. I travel a lot with the baby, cook, take care of laundry and the rougher parts of everyday life.
My husband has his chores in the morning and evening, but at night the brunt of the work falls on him. This division feels fair because we consciously made it based on our strengths and needs and not based on what others expect of us.
The lack of sleep bothers him much less than it does me. He tolerates interruptions, then turns over and goes back to sleep. I, on the other hand, often lie wide awake after the first baby noise and can no longer get back to deep sleep.
Separate rooms: why sleep is more important than romance
One point that often raises eyebrows is ours Sleep system. We sleep in separate rooms. There is a comfortable sofa bed in the office and we take turns sleeping there and in the bedroom.
This may sound unromantic at first, but it is pure self-care. If one of us knows that we can actually sleep through the night without standing upright in bed every time the extra bed rustles, it gives us an incredible amount of strength for the next day. Sleep is the basis for our patience with the baby. When we’re both completely exhausted, the whole atmosphere at home ends up suffering. For us, separate rooms do not mean distance, but rather mutual respect for your partner’s relaxation.
When your head doesn’t switch off: My evening routine
Despite the support, it is often difficult to truly relax in the evening. After a long day, the “mom antennas” are tuned in and the carousel of thoughts is spinning. I first had to learn to consciously flip the switch.
A warm bath works wonders for me to physically wash away the tension of the day. Afterwards I take time to read – real paper, no smartphone light, which only wakes up the brain even more. I briefly go through the day in my head, sort through what went well and what is due tomorrow and then mentally file it away. On particularly difficult days when my thoughts are racing, I resort to sleep meditations via YouTube. The voice from outside helps me to focus and not drown in worries about the next day.
Why the right pajamas actually make a difference
For years I was the one with the old T-shirt and baggy pants as my sleeping outfit. Things have changed since the baby was born. I’m physically and mentally exhausted in the evening, and at this very moment every little feel-good factor counts. For me, cozy pajamas (my favorite models can be seen here: pajamas for women) made of good material are an integral part of my life Evening routine become. Just like I put the baby in his favorite pajamas to go to sleep.
Quality makes a bigger difference in sleepwear than I thought. Cheap goods made from synthetic materials can be disruptive to your sleep because you sweat or the material feels uncomfortable on your skin. A high quality pajamas can withstand many washes, still looks neat even after years and feels relaxing when you put it on. This is exactly what I need after long days to sleep deeply and soundly.
It’s this small gesture towards myself that signals: Now is my time. The day with its hundred demands is over and I treat myself to something nice for the night.
Our rhythm: The 9 p.m. cut
A big factor in our routine is the baby itself. We are lucky that the little one usually sleeps from around 9 p.m., wakes up briefly a few times and doesn’t wake up again until around 6 a.m. That sounds like a lot of time, but the trap is often to waste these hours watching Netflix or on your cell phone.
I’ve gotten into the habit of not going to bed too late myself. Even though it’s tempting to enjoy the child-free time until midnight, I pay the price the next morning. My goal is to be fit in the morning when the day starts at 6 a.m. Discipline in the evening means freedom in the morning. If I wake up before the baby or are at least halfway asleep, the day doesn’t start with stress, but with a coffee in peace.
Conclusion: Why structure is the salvation
What many would find boring is my salvation: the same morning and evening routine. We do this consistently on the weekend too. There are no major outliers up or down. This helps the baby’s biological rhythm, but especially my own.
The body gets used to the fixed times. II know when I have my me-time, when the night shift starts and when we start the day as a family.
Of course, lack of sleep is and remains a challenge. It’s about being honest with yourself and your partner: What do I really need to function? If that means sleeping separately or distributing tasks unconventionally, then that’s exactly the way to go. It has to work for you!
How does that look for you? Are you a “shared family bed at all costs” team or have you also developed your own routine to survive the lack of sleep? Feel free to write it to me in the comments!
