It often starts harmlessly. You put on a nice outfit, feel good, drink your coffee in peace and think to yourself: I actually look pretty good today. And then you open social media. A mistake! Because there you immediately get the message that visibility for women over 50 apparently only works in three variants: loud, particularly loud or with a lot of leg slit. Of course I’m exaggerating. A little bit. But only a little.
When I look at what is currently being sold on Instagram, Pinterest and Co. under the label of self-confidence in old age, I ask myself: Is that really liberation? Or simply the next dress code, only this time with sequins, a dance video and the announcement: Age is just a number?
And before anyone gasps here: I’m not writing this from a safe distance from my beige patterned wing chair. At 51, I put myself in front of the camera in my underwear. So I know very well what visibility feels like. And also what hate feels like. There’s always someone wondering what the dancing grandma is doing. The answer is usually very simple: it exists. Public. And that’s enough for some people.
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Between beige panic and glitter revolution
I think many women over 50 know this feeling: the fear of entering some social phase of life. This zone in which you stand around in a well-groomed, friendly and as inconspicuous manner as possible, while the rest of the world acts as if you are slowly leaving the picture.
The only problem is: this invisibility is not imaginary. Ageism is real. Aging women are assessed much more harshly than men. While gray temples are considered interesting for men, please put a little anti-aging on our foreheads so that no one notices that we have life experience and smile lines at the same time.
So it’s no wonder that there is a countermovement. Women who say: Certainly not. I’m still here. I wear color. I wear mini. I wear lipstick. I make myself visible. And to be honest: there’s nothing wrong with that. On the contrary.
The small problem with the big empowerment
Nevertheless, this loud counter-movement sometimes gives me a slightly scratchy feeling in my head. Such an internal: Wait a minute. What exactly are we proving here, and to whom?
Because the whole thing often turns into a new performance show very quickly. Just no longer with the old motto “Please behave in an age-appropriate manner” but with the new one: “Prove that at 50 you still have legs like 26, can dance like you’re at a bachelorette party and please look like you accidentally fell into a ring light production.”
In other words: the old pressure is not going away. He just puts on a different outfit.
Suddenly it’s no longer enough for you to be there. That you have style. Humor. Attitude. stories. No, now you also have to prove that you are visible, as loud as possible, as conspicuous as possible, and as suitable for algorithms as possible. Calm style is about as expected on social media as wrinkle-free linen is in midsummer.
Does visibility always have to cause a ruckus?
What concerns me is not the shortness of a skirt or the tightness of a dress. Every woman should do it however she wants. I’m more concerned with the question of why visibility is so often linked to volume. Why does it almost seem suspicious when a woman over 50 is simply relaxed, stylish and present without dancing in a zebra crossing?
Of course, a dance video can be pure joy. Of course, a short dress can just be a short dress. Of course, underwear content can mean: I’m not ashamed of my body. All legitimate.
But sometimes I wonder whether these pictures don’t use the same old standard: body first, personality later.
We fight our way out of the “too old, too quiet, too invisible” box, only to end up in the next one: “Please be spectacularly attractive, otherwise your empowerment is unfortunately not suitable for broadcast.” Very big cinema. Just without popcorn.
I’m not sitting innocently on the sidelines
And no, I’m not writing this with a raised finger. I am part of this world myself. I love fashion, I play with staging, I show myself. I know that pictures work.
I showed myself in underwear and received criticism for it. From “does it have to be?” Everything up to “dancing grandma” was there. And you know what? I can stand that. At least most of the time.
That’s precisely why I think I can ask the question. When we women 50+ make ourselves visible – what do we actually stand for? For freedom? For self-determination? For real diversity? Or do we sometimes fall into the same trap again, just with a new label?
Maybe the coffee is already a statement
Maybe the real act of rebellion isn’t the loudest video or the shortest skirt. Maybe it’s radical enough to simply be there as a woman over 50. Dressing nicely when you feel like it. Don’t dress nicely if you don’t feel like it. To laugh without documenting it.
And yes, maybe it’s enough to just drink your coffee and still exist. Crazy concept, I know. I don’t think visibility only counts when it’s loud. And I don’t think that every woman who doesn’t do a lust dance on asphalt is automatically on the way to the beige crypt.
At the same time, I don’t want to spoil anyone’s joy. If you want to dance around town in a leopard dress at 62: please. If you show yourself in your underwear at 51, please do too. If you prefer to relax in linen and sandals: please do the same.
For me, the more exciting question is another one: Are we really making ourselves freer – or are we just putting new pressure on ourselves, this time in a colorful way? I don’t have a ready answer to that. And to be honest, I don’t want to force any.
And how do you see that?
Now I’m interested in your opinion: Is this new loud visibility for women over 50 a sign of freedom – or does it just end up creating the next pressure? I’m very curious to hear your opinion and look forward to every comment. Thank you very much for reading and visiting. I wish you a nice Sunday.
The attentive among you certainly didn’t miss the fact that I showed you these capri pants last Sunday.
THANK YOU 🖤
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The podcast for women over forty